So I can be a fairly rough and tumble kind of girl - I am a Navy veteran, after all. I don't mind getting dirty, I can withstand nearly any odor (well, vomit kind of gets to me but other than that), and me and Mother Nature are tight. For goodness sake, I sometimes eat fish for breakfist - I have an iron constitution!
Or so I thought.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I went camping last week in Ludington, Michigan. To be more accurate, I 'camped' at the Best Western the first night (don't judge - they have a water slide and a hot tub - if an RV is 'camping' then so is the Best Western!). Then I moved over to the state park where I set up my tent and communed with the Great Outdoors. Speaking of the Great Outdoors, the pairing of Ackroyd and Candy in that movie is priceless! I will never look at a hot dog the same way again...
But I digress.
So Ludington State Park is this really beautiful place on the northwestern shore of Michigan's lower penninsula. There are trails and sand dunes and boating and (wait for it) fishing. I have never been too interested in fishing - but the kids begged thier mom and dad to go so I tagged along for kicks. Plus, I heard that there is a lot of sitting involved, and I'm really really good at that.
We hoofed over to an idyllic spot where families happily cast their lines into the water and big fishies were jumping right off the surface in daring acrobatic manoeuvers. In fact, here's a picture of that precise idyllic spot:

Each of the older kids had a rod and reel; the girls (ages 13 & 10) with regular poles and Jack (age 7) with this awesome yellow & orange plastic Scooby Doo-themed kid-sized contraption with the push-button casting reel that cost like $1.50 at Wal-Mart. Within seconds of arrival, my S-i-L sent the bro back to the campsite for the forgotten sunscreen and moments thereafter, my 3 y.o. niece chimed in with, "Mommy, I have to go potty!"
That left me with a foam box full of worm poop and baby nightcrawlers and 3 kids looking up at me expectantly. My face said (at least I hope), "Sure honey, I'll be happy to bait the hook for you" and "Don't worry, worms don't have the same nerve endings or feel pain the way we humans do". Meanwhile, inside my head was a prolonged silent scream of utter disgust and horror keeping rhythm to one long prayer that my pronouncement about the nightcrawler's nervous system was even remotely true. I can come through in a pinch, though, so I pinched one of those nasty little suckers in half and skewered its writhing phallic body onto that hook like my life depended on it.
Delighted, the children ran to cast their lines and fish their little hearts out. I returned to sitting and enjoying the idyllic location. I survived fishing! Yay!
Wait - what's that? Happy shouts of joy from the middle one? My actual voice saying, "Wow! Congrats!" while my inner voice ran an ongoing monologue of "You caught a WHAT? Oh crap - where's an adult? Any adult? David? Amanda? Crap, neither is back. How the hell long does it take to find freakin' SUNSCREEN!!?? Dammit - couldn't you have just let the little one pee in her pants!!!??? Couldn't that stupid fish have waited five more minutes to bite!?"

Now how can a big scary shark like me be afraid of a tiny little perch flopping on the end of a string with a facefull of metal hook, you ask? When's the last time you held one of the slimy little suckers on your fin? EW EW EW!!
I confess that I squealed like a little girl this time and the kids thought my performance was Grade A hilarious. I got so worked up that I dropped the fish on the dock and had to pick the poor thing up AGAIN to throw him back. I am almost certain that if I ever go back to Ludington there will be an army of angry perch and nightcrawler relatives waiting for me to dip one little dorsal in that damned river.
The whole experience taught me that I am definitely a 'city' shark, but while I was down, I was not defeated. I promptly highjacked Jack's Scooby-Doo pole after he decided to make an old-fashioned one with a tree branch. I didn't even get a nibble; I guess my bad reputation spread fast under the surface. I still enjoyed the sitting, though.