Friday, October 14, 2005

Rockin' Talkin' Technology

Copying other major metropolitan areas, the powers that be over at City Hall here in Chicago had nothing to do a couple of months ago but smoke stogies and pick their noses, so they decided to enact some silly ordinance forbidding the use of hand-held cell phones while driving. Now I can just imagine some of you cranksters out there have big ol' "Shuddup and drive!" bumper stickers on your hot wheels, but too bad. I'm a super commuter, therefore, if I'm to have any sort of social connections whatsoever I must use the apparatus connected to the end of my arm (yep folks, that would be my mobile phone).

I have this cheap Nokia phone that has the permanent indentation of my ear on the faceplate. It also has this super cool backgammon game that I am perhaps slightly obsessed with, but we'll save the subject of my gaming addiction for another day's post. I'm certain I have mentioned before how I'm sometimes reluctant to part with cash for really stupid stuff, and one of those stupid stuffs would be the $80 ticket I would surely get from the Chicago Police Department while I'm zipping along the Skyway chatting merrily away on my mobile. You just KNOW that the cops will have spent every minute of their shift that day busting drug dealers and gang bangers (or even drug-dealing gang bangers) and it will be on their way back to the precinct to punch out when they'll catch me. Yeah, I'm CERTAIN that this is how it will happen. AND IT WILL HAPPEN.

Lest anyone suggest that I cannot change, I bought a universal adapter headset from the drugstore. Oy...I should have known it wouldn't work, but I tried. I went back and bought a different kind...yep, no luck with this one either. I have been sitting low in the driver's seat every night feeling like a criminal on the lam taking extra care to not get busted talking on my phone (heck, doing it that way probably makes me even more careful than I am when I'm not even talking on the phone!). Finally last night I made it into my wireless carrier's retail store to try a specially-made-for-crappy-little-Nokia-mobile-phones headset...and $24 later, IT STILL DIDN'T WORK!! The hottie at the phone store mentioned something about the crappy little Nokia mobile phone being defective.

Oh, and he looked it up and discovered that the same crappy little Nokia mobile phone's warranty expired six weeks ago. No, I'm not kidding.

What to do? What to do? I did the only logical thing - instead of risking the $80 ticket, I shelled out $100 clams for a new phone. hehe Don't worry, I know the 'new' math. My wireless carrier generously offered me a $30 rebate, so I'm coming out $10 bucks ahead if you think about it. Plus, my new little not-so-crappy Nokia mobile phone is pretty darned nifty - you can change the faceplates and the keypad to match your mood (now THERE'S some added value, eh?) and when I get a text message, I set it up to crow like a rooster (I spooked my secretary earlier with that one {smirk}). It has different coloured runner lights along its sides, and it even has some preset themes you can use, so right now I have this late '60's "Laugh-In" inspired wallpaper/screensaver going on and my ring tone is 'YMCA'. I can't wait until my Nana calls - nothing says grandma like the Village People.

I did do one other thing while I was messing around with the phone. I SIGNED UP FOR WIRELESS INTERNET!! I KNOW! Can you believe it?? Yeah, me neither. No more Panera, but I was getting sick of their sandwiches for lunch on Saturday anyway. I'm heading back over to the only rival to Bill Gate's attempts at world domination...Starbucks!! Corporate apes be dam...uh, darned!!!

Gotta get outta here - it's Friday and you know what that means! WSJ Crossword!!!

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