Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Mayonnaise, Rodents, and Alcohol (oh my!)

Returning to my blog is a bit like starting over for me. What shall I talk about? What did I ever talk about? Everything and nothing at all, I suppose.

As I sit here trying to come up with something even remotely interesting to write about, I realize that I don't really care about politics or the economy or religion; and while it's a fairly safe bet I won't get beat up at a cocktail party, it suggests that I'm vapid and do not take much very seriously.

Ok, in the interest of fair disclosure, I admit that last part is true. So no BMW-ing (bi_ching, moaning and whining) when I waste space blabbing about Druids being hired to extract the negative energy from the Austrian roadways, or the lunatic woman in Florida who tasered a Wendy's employee because she didn't get the right number of mayo packets (Mayo packets? Who asks for mayo packets?). You can't say you weren't warned.

Drunk Man Gives Mouth-to-Mouth to Roadkill, Say Police
(click on the link to see a picture of the cute little critter before he qualified as roadkill)

March 29, 2010 10:09 AM

PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. (CBS/AP) When police found Donald Wolfe, he was giving mouth-to-mouth "resuscitation" to a long-dead opossum along a major highway, according to officials.

Trooper Jamie Levier says several witnesses saw the 55-year-old Brookville, Pa. man kneeling before the roadkill and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance, while another saw the mouth-to-mouth attempt.

Levier says Wolfe was "extremely intoxicated" and "did have his mouth in the area of the animal's mouth...I guess."

Wolfe was charged with public drunkenness.

Crimesider could not locate a home telephone number for Wolfe to request a comment.

The trooper said Wolfe was spotted along Route 36 in Oliver Township, about 65 miles northeast, of Pittsburgh, Thursday about 3 p.m.

You may recall that I am a Navy vet and a college graduate, which should lead you to the obvious conclusion that I have witnessed (and perhaps engaged in - but I'll never tell) amazing spectacles of public drunkenness in my day (Like the time Steve* barfed in his own breast pocket and then kept on partying!?). Despite that, what was this doofus thinking in giving the kiss of life to a dead opossum? You're in Punxatawney, dude. How do you not realize your ONLY choice is a dead GROUNDHOG? Some people just have no clue.

*totally his real name


billy pilgrim said...

that was the most interesting thing i've read in a long time. i hope mr wolfe was sent for a tetanus shot.

Rocky (Racquel) said...

Thanks Leo - it's good to be back (although it suggests you have had a drought of interesting in your life my friend)

The Johnson's Zoo said...

Not that I claim to fully remember that night, but I'm pretty sure that I rinsed out my shirt pocket. Of course I then managed to put it back on inside out and kept asking Kelly* to help me with the buttons, but he was too busy slamming girls into the wall as he taught them his version of country dancing. :-)

* Totally his real name, too


now i know what happened to my 2nd husband.


and welcome back..and its about damn time.

Rocky (Racquel) said...

LOL @Steve. You weren't as hammered as I thought since that's exactly how I recall it - and that McW was quite the two-stepper, wasn't he? haha