Party at My Place...on Monday

So, those of you who know me in person understand without question that sometimes I'm a little tardy to the party when it comes to keeping up on current events.  Despite my legal proclivities, I prefer to get most of my news from hearsay.  That likely explains why until yesterday I was clueless why all of a sudden everyone was talking about the end of the world and the Rapture and zombie apocalypses, etc.  That was when I finally consulted a reliable news source (aka Yahoo!) and discovered some whackadoo has been putting up signs and billboards all over the place announcing that tomorrow is it for the good Christian folk of the world.  Interesting idea, but I didn't know the "fire sale" concept applied to faith. 

I imagine what my life would have been like if I knew that I could have been running amok trashing and looting and sinning left and right all these years without consequence because an hour before it was all over I could pull a "get out of jail free" card and get saved.  I would have had a heck of a lot more fun, eh?  While I'm not "devout" to any one organized religion, I grew up with a Christian belief system and I'm fairly confident I remember learning that this isn't how it's supposed to work.  Regardless, it has been so flattering to get invites from friends to their "End of the World" parties, and I did even consider making the trek over to Highway 61 where Leo's going to put out some bleachers in the sun to watch where much of the action is predicted to take place.  Despite my desire to celebrate eternity, though, I know I cannot attend because I have accepted my fate that as a lawyer I'm not going anywhere even remotely upwards tomorrow.  I have to get ready for the REAL party: The Post-Rapture Looting Party.  The organizers describe it as follows: 

"When everyone is gone and God's not looking, we need to pick up some sweet stereo equipment and maybe some new furniture for the mansion we're going to squat in."

We've rounded up a few sponsors for the event: the bar association (of course), the Society for Insurance Salesmen, and the Republican Party.  The Democrats want to participate too, but they can't seem to get their membership organized enough to pass the resolution allowing them to sign the contract. 

So, if after tomorrow we don't meet again then I wish you a rapturous eternity.  And don't worry about me; I'm going to leave some of my clothes and empty shoes over dry ice on my front lawn to fool the Zombies into believing that I did actually make the journey.  I'd like to hang on to what little is left of my brains after all the hoopla. ;-)



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